|
"Golf is a game you dig out of the dirt for yourself." -- Ben Hogan

    Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this."
    "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.
    "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."
    "In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"

~~~~~

Golf Injury

    A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
    Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
    The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!", she told him earnestly.
    "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
    But she persisted, and finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away an laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel?"
    To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." 

~~~~~

    A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?"
    To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!" 

~~~~~

    Two guys were playing golf. One pulls out a cigar and discovers he doesn't have a light. The other guy reaches into his golf bag and pulls out a foot-long Bic lighter. "Wow," says the friend, "Where did you get that big lighter?"
    "My genie gave it to me," replied his partner.
    "You have a genie?" asked the friend. 
    "Sure do. He's right here in this bag," replied the partner. 
    "Do you think he'd grant me a wish?" asked the friend. 
    "Sure he would!" said the partner. Then he proceeded to take the genie out of the bag.
    "Your wish is my command," boomed the genie.
    "I want a million bucks" commanded the friend. Nothing happened for a while then all of a sudden the sky turned black as a million ducks flew over. 
    "I guess I should've warned you about that genie. He's hard of hearing," said the partner. "You don't think I really wished for a 12-inch Bic, do you?"

Submitted by Andrea

~~~~~

Is there Golf in Heaven?

    Bart and Art have been a twosome on the links every day since they've been retired. One day, as they're putting on their golf shoes in the clubhouse, they get into a conversation about heaven and whether there are any golf courses there. They make a pact. The first one to die will come back and tell the other one.
    Bart dies first, and sure enough, comes back to visit Art.
    Art says, "Well are there any golf courses in heaven?"
    "I have good news and I have bad news," says Bart."  We have the ultimate golf course in the sky and tournament which starts tomorrow."
    "So what's the bad news?"
    "You're my partner!"

~~~~~

~~~~~

Magic Frog

    A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit! 9 Iron."
    The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit! 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
    Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow! That's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
    The frog replies, "Ribbit! Lucky frog."
    The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.  "What do you think frog?" the man asks.
    "Ribbit! 3 wood."
    The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole- in- one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
    The frog replies, "Ribbit! Las Vegas."
    They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
    The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
    Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"
    The frog replies, "Ribbit! $3000, black 6." 
    Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.  Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
    The frog replies, "Ribbit! Kiss Me."
    He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
    "And that, Your Honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

~~~~~

One Dollar Resort

    Roy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.
    When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees, "Golf: $1.00.  Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00."
    He hits the ceiling!  Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"
    I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."
    "Well," said Roy, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"
    "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"

~~~ Top - Directory ~~~

Did You Know? Fun Golf Facts

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
Submitted by USAMADE2

~~~~~

Dimples on a golf ball reduce drag by creating turbulence as the ball flies through the air.  Source:  DunhamSports.com

~~~ Top - Directory ~~~

GolfNewz
A quick fix for the true golf enthusiast.
If you're passionate about golf, GolfNewz is for you! Get tips, news, player profiles, humor and much more, soon you'll be on the way to playing like a pro, or at least looking and sounding like one.

~~~~~

Dick's Sporting Goods

~~~~~

NetCaddie.com

~~~~~

Golf Course Search

~~~~~

~~ Top of Page ~~

Quick Links to the SPORTS Pages from ButlerWebs:
[ Sports in General - Main Page ]
[ Baseball & Softball ] [ Football ] [ Golf ]

Western Pennsylvania Neighborhood Webs - Golf

Quick Links to ButlerWebs' General Webs Categories:
[ General Webs - Home Page & Index ]
[ America & The 50 States ] [ Animals, Pets & Critters ] [ Automotive ] [ Camping & Hiking ] [ Collectibles - Items For Sale ] [ Computers & Internet ] [ Entertainment ] [ Fishing ] [ Friends & Friendship ] [ Gambling - Bingo, Casinos, Lottery ] [ Gardening ] [ Holidays, Observances, Celebrity Birthdays ] [ Hunting ] [ Inspiration & Motivation ] [ Just For... ] [ Military - Armed Forces ] [ Music & Song Lyrics ] [ Older Folks & Seniors ] [ Parents & Grandparents ] [ Recipes, Food & Beverage ] [ Sports ] [ September 11, 2001 - America's Tragedy ] [ Travel & Vacation ] [ Weddings ] [ Word Fun ]

This page was last edited 01/18/05.