Beauty of a Woman:
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman
must be seen from her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart -- the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman Is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman with passing years - only grows.
Author Unknown
~~~~~
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The average woman weighs 144 lbs. and wears between a size 12-14.
-
One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder.
-
The models in the magazines are airbrushed - not perfect!
-
A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.
-
Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today they weigh 23% less.
~~~~~
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100's of Jokes
& Cartoons
|
A Little Bit of Humor...
If Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of
Women merge, they will become...
Knott NOW!
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~~~~~
The Perfect Man
Author Unknown
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love for you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He has never made you cry
Or hurt you In any way
Oh, screw this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.
Author Unknown
Submitted by Sandy
~~~~~
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
~~~~~
An English professor wrote the
following words on a blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it
correctly: "Woman without her man is nothing."
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
~~~~~
Women's Bumper
Stickers
So Many Men...
So Few Who Can Afford Me!
If they don't have chocolate
in Heaven, I ain't going! COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN
Some things are just better rich!
My Mother is a Travel Agent
for Guilt Trips! WARNING!
I Have an Attitude
And I Know How to Use It!
Guys have feelings,
too...but...like...
Who cares?
Of course I don't look busy!
I did it right the first time! Do
NOT start with me...
You will NOT win! And your point is??? Next
Mood Swing:
6 Minutes If you want breakfast in bed
Sleep in the kitchen! I'm out of
estrogen
And I have a GUN!!!
Princess
Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes
Seeks Frog.
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~~~~~
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
~~~~~
"Oh Lord, please have mercy on me, I work so hard, meanwhile my wife stays at
home. I would give anything if you would grant me one wish -- switch me into my
wife; she's got it easy at home. I want to teach her a lesson of how tough a man's life is."
As God was listening he felt sorry for this soul and granted his wish.
Next morning the "new woman" wakes up at dawn, makes lunch boxes, prepares breakfast, wakes up the kids for school, puts a load of clothes in the washer, takes the meat out of the freezer, drives the kids to
school. On his way back, he stops at the gas station, cashes a check, pays the electricity and phone bills, picks up some clothes from the cleaners,
goes to the market. It was 1:00 already, he made the beds, took the clothes out of the washer and put another load in, he vacuumed the house, made some rice, went to pick up the kids from school,
had an argument with the kids. As soon as he got home he fed the kids, washed the dirty dishes, he hung the damp clothes he had washed on the chairs because it was raining outside. He helped the kids with their homework, watched some TV while he ironed some clothes, prepared dinner, he gave the kids a bath and put them to sleep. At
9:00 he was so tired and he went to bed. Of course there were some more duties and somehow he managed to get them done and finally fell asleep.
The next morning he prays to God once again: "Oh Lord, what was I thinking when I asked you to grant my wish, I can't take it anymore. I beg you please switch me back to myself, please! oh
please!"
Then he heard God's voice speaking to him, saying: "Dear son, of course I'll switch you back into yourself.
But there's one minor detail, you will have to wait nine months because last night you got pregnant."
~~~~~
~~~~~
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Every Woman Should Have:
- One old love she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come.
- Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place on her own, even if she never wants or needs to.
- Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
- A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella she's not ashamed to be seen carrying.
- A youth she's content to move beyond.
- A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
- The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to help fund it.
- A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
- One friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry.
- A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
- Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
- A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
- A feeling of control over her destiny.
- A skin care regime, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life
that don't get better after 30.
- A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
Every Woman Should Know:
- How to fall in love without losing herself.
- How she feels about having kids.
- How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
- When to try harder and when to walk away.
- How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what she would and wouldn't like to happen next.
- How to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend.
- How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it.
- That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
- That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.
- What she would and wouldn't do for love or more.
- How to live alone, even if she doesn't like it.
- Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally.
- Where to go - be it her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods - when her soul needs soothing.
- What she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.
- Why they say life begins at 30.
Author Unknown
Submitted by SLgraber
~~~~~
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Scientific Study: What Women Want
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face"
a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating,
she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead.
~~~~~
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know why? Because no one else in this house knows how to change a
#(&#@($*& light bulb! They don't even know the bulb is burned out! They would sit in the dark for
3 DAYS before they figured it out!!!!
And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs
even though they've been in the same kitchen cabinet for the past 7 years! But if they did by some miracle actually find them, two days later the chair they dragged to stand on to change the darn light bulb
would still be in the same spot!! And underneath it would be the package the stupid #@*&#(*& light bulbs came in!
WHY? Because no one ever takes out the trash!
It's a wonder that we haven't all suffocated from the piles of trash that are 12 feet deep throughout the entire house!
It would take an Army to clean this @(*&#$(*# house!
I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
~~~~~
An article stated that the typical symptoms of
stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too
fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
~~~~~
An Evening Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
He's not afraid to admit when he is wrong.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait 6 weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind
Knows what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'.
He brings me a sandwich TOO when he goes to the kitchen.
I pray that this man will love me to no end
And would never compare me with my best friend.
Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait
For I know You will send him before it's too late.
Amen
Submitted by Seps32
~~~~~
A friend of mine confused her valium with her
birth control pills.
She had 14 kids, but she doesn't give a crap.
~~~~~
I know what Victoria's Secret is.
The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
~~~~~
"Why are you
crying?" a young boy asked his Mom.
"Because I'm a woman" she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will,
but that's okay."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does Mom
seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason" was all his dad could
say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why
women cry.
Finally, he put in a call to God. When God got back to
him, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God answered, "When I made woman, I decided she had to
be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet her arms gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come, even from her
own children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take
care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through
sickness and fatigue, without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to
love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt
her badly. She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel
better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears. I gave her strength
to care for her husband, despite faults, and I fashioned her from his rib to
protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never
hurts his wife but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside
him unfalteringly.
For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to
shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and is her only weakness. When
you see her cry, tell her how much you love her and all she does for everyone.
And even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special!
~~~~~
Women:
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.
But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They live in homes, apartments and cabins.
They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth.
They bring joy and hope.
They give compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
And, all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people
you come in contact with.
Men:
Men are good at lifting heavy things and fixing stuff.
~~~~~
Top Ten Things Only Women Understand:
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
And...the Number One thing only women understand:
1. Other Women.
~~~~~
Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate
fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological
study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking
and the other is cleaning.
Submitted by Zax
~~~~~
Cool Women
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without new shoes so their children can have them.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength
left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth.
They bring joy and hope.
They give compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.
Author Unknown
Submitted by Seps32
~~~~~
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Top
13 Things That PMS Stands For:
-
Pass My Shotgun
-
Psychotic Mood Shift
-
Perpetual Munching Spree
-
Puffy Mid-Section
-
People Make Me Sick
-
Provide Me with Sweets
-
Pardon My Sobbing
-
Pimples May Surface
-
Pass My Sweatpants
-
Pissy Mood Syndrome
-
Plainly Men Suck
-
Pack My Stuff
-
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Submitted by Seps32
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~~~~~
While watching my six-year-old daughter play with her cars and trucks, I prided myself on having raised her to play outside the confines of gender restrictions that had always frustrated me as a child. Beaming, I asked her about her game.
"Well," she answered innocently, "the big truck is the daddy, this car is the mommy, and the little car is the baby."
~~~~~
The Perfect Man
After careful consideration and endless debate the perfect man has finally been named:
MR. POTATO HEAD! He's tan. He's cute. He knows the importance of accessorizing.
And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face
~~~~~
"Time waits for no man. Exceptions made for ladies."
Copyright 2003 Joseph P. Martino
~~ Top of
Page ~~
B.A.D. Girlz
We sell crazy, funny and wacky t-shirts, aprons, totebags
and other great gifts for woman with attitude! Come check us out!
www.badgirlz3.com
~~~~~
ShesOnline.com
A new online magazine for women is now available!
All women's issues...a focus just on what women want to read and know!
Take a look for yourself and enjoy...
www.shesonline.com
The online magazine for women!
~~ Top of
Page ~~
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