Sorry guys!  There is just too much good stuff out there not to devote several pages to this subject.  But to be fair, we made a Female Bashing page as well!

The Perfect Man

After careful consideration and endless debate the perfect man has finally been named: MR. POTATO HEAD! He's tan. He's cute. He knows the importance of accessorizing. And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face

~~~~~

It's Good To Be A Man! 

Damn, It's Good To Be A Man
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch or fart is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to ask you: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Damn, It's Good To Be A Man

~~~~~

All too true:

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

Submitted by Sandy

~~~~~

    One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
    "What's the problem, Eve?"
    "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
    "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
    "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
    "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man', Lord?"
    "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
    "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
    "Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
    But, you can have him on one condition."
    "What's that, Lord?"
    "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

~~~~~

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

~~~~~

Scientific Study: What Women Want

A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead.

~~~~~

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage as they have wizened to the fact that for 200 grams of sausage, it's not worth buying the entire pig!

Submitted by Julie

~~~~~

Men are always complaining that women are suffocating them. Personally I think if you can hear them whining, you aren't pressing hard enough on the pillow.

Submitted by Stephanie T.

~~~~~

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This page was last edited 09/28/05.