Why Parents Get Gray Hair

     The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of  the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
     Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
     "Yes", whispered the small voice. 
     "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
     To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
    Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" 
    "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
     Again the small voice whispered, "No".
     Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
     "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
     "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
     Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I 
speak with the policeman"?
     "No, he's busy", whispered the child. 
     "Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
     "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
     Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" 
     "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. 
     "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.
     In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
     Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
     Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me!"

~~~~~

    My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation.  More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.
    "Listen to me!" his mother said sharply.  "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
    Matthew thought about that for a moment and said,  "Okay, Disney World."

~~~~~

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..."Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later...Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

~~~~~

    When my son was in preschool and one of the students became ill with chicken pox, the teacher asked if anyone else had ever had chicken pox.
    He raised his hand and said, "No, but I've had Cocoa Pops."

~~~~~

    Out shopping, my friend Darin noticed a mother with three little girls and a baby.  The woman's patience was wearing thin as all the girls called "Mama" while she tried to shop.  Finally, Darin heard her say, "I don't want to hear the word MAMA for at least five minutes."
    A few seconds went by, then one girl tugged on her mom's skirt and said, "Excuse me, miss."

~~~~~

    A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? "
    Ready to play the game, she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"
    "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"

~~~~~

    While sitting at the dinner table one evening, my 7 and 8-year-old boys started telling me how they "thought" that they witnessed two teenagers engaging in the "full facts of life" in the next-door garage.  Concerned, of course, I questioned them and was relieved to find out that they were doing not much more than kissing.
    So, of course, I felt it best at that time to set them straight and explain the real facts of life to them. My oldest found everything I said to be quite funny and silly but my 7-year-old blurted out (as I was swallowing my food) "Oh, I get it!  It's like going to the gas station and pumping gas!"

Submitted by Jungle2222

~~~~~

    While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, "Glory be unto the Faaaather,  and unto the Sonnnn. . . and into the hole you goooo."

~~~~~

Two-year-old Kenny carried over a photo album with a cut-out cover to show the top photo inside.  It was a picture of his dad holding him on the day he was born.  Kenny said, "Look, Daddy! Here's a picture of you holding a baby of me!"

~~~~~

    The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television. The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return.
    I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.
    "Hey," commented my 11-year-old, "it sounds as if someone just got his food."

~~~~~

    We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Very early the next morning, our 3 1/2 -year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us up.  I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us.
    About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy! Mommy!" he exclaimed, "everybody has doorbells - and they all work!"

~~~~~

    Ever notice how a 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?
    Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.
    The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said OK.
    After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.  As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
    As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?"
    "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted.
    The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

~~~~~

    It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there!?" he asked. 
    "It sure is," I replied. 
    Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" 

~~~~~

~~~~~

 A 5-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?", says the 5-year-old, "I think it's about time we start swearing."
    The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.
    The 5-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell,' and you say 'ass', OK?"
    The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm. 
    The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5-year-old what he wants for breakfast
    "Awe hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
    WHACK! He flies out of his chair, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out. 
    The Mom looks at the 4-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
    "I don't know," he blubbers, " but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."

Submitted by Seps32

~~~~~

    While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" 
    "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. 
    "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" 
    "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

~~~~~

    While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
    One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

~~~~~

~~~~~

    To close each day's activities in summer and on holidays in the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World at Lake Buena Vista, Fla., a huge fireworks display lights up the sky.
    One night I noticed a small boy about three years old perched on his father's shoulder. The child sat mesmerized, aware only of what was exploding in the heavens. When the fireworks were over, the little boy looked up into the sky again and said, "Thank you, God."

~~~~~

    Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.
    His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?"
    She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help."
    His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a DOCTOR in there, too?!"

~~~~~

Science Sillies from 5th & 6th Graders:

• The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.

• It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.

• Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

• Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas.

• The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

• The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

• Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

• Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers.

• When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

• One of the main causes of dust is DIRT.

• A monsoon is a French gentleman.

• To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

• Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.

• Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.

• There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these days.

• The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things, people forget to put the top on.

• You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

Submitted by SandyD

~~~~~

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This page was last edited 02/14/05.