Titus
Networking
Business
Computer Consulting
Computer Networking
and
Security
Hardware
Sales
Software Sales |
|
Businesses
depend on their computer networks!
Titus Networking keeps your
computer network dependable & secure. |
Titus
Networking, Inc.
Serving the
Pittsburgh Area of Western PA
724-431-2211
Butler, PA
TitusNetworking.com |
|
|
 |
TV
Products
4 Less |
|
If you are
looking for
As Seen on TV Products
check out
TVProducts4Less.com
 
We offer almost 400 As Seen on TV Products at savings of
20%-30% off the retail price.
TVProducts4Less.com
1-800-763-4177 |
|
|
|
|
|
I met an old University friend the other day, who in his youth had
professed his desire to become a great writer.
When I asked him to define 'great', he had said:
"I want to write stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level;
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
Just discovered he's now working for Microsoft...writing error messages.
~~~~~
You know you've been on the computer too long when you are
reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
~~~~~
I think the toner cartridge was invented by
the Association of American Dry Cleaners.
~~~~~
Have you heard about the Congressional Virus?
It runs every program on your hard drive simultaneously,
but doesn't allow you to accomplish anything.
~~~~~
Before computers,
memory was something you lost with age!
~~~~~
There's more - keep
scrolling!
|
|
The
Computer
Humor Pages
from ButlerWebs.com |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS
Author Unknown
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a
port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.
Author Unknown
Submitted by RPiat
~~~~~
There is nothing I like better than to
grab a cup of coffee, sit at the computer, and chat with my online friends. The internet
provides a little sanity in my otherwise insane existence, but the costs can add up. The
average charge for an internet connection, according to my unscientific polling, is about
$25.00 per month for a flat-rate connection. Some providers still charge a per-minute
rate, which can be exorbitant.
No way will I relinquish my connection when money's tight. I've
gone to great lengths to save money and justify the expense to my spouse. Desperate times
call for desperate measures! Here are some tips to raise funds for your monthly internet
bill:
Scrounge for change under the sofa cushions, behind the
refrigerator, in the laundry, and even out of the vacuum cleaner bag if necessary. You may
be surprised at the hidden wealth you have waiting for you. Save money on chocolate by
pilfering through your kid's Easter baskets and Halloween stash. You could be saving on
their dental bills at the same time.
Become environmentally conscious. Send the kids out to
collect aluminum cans from the road side. They'll get a great cardiovascular workout, and
you'll be alone in the house for a while.
Save money on those high-priced designer cereals. Tell the children that Batman eats corn
flakes and the prize is good health. Reduce brain rot in your children by canceling the
cable–besides, you have your computer and they can read a book.
Confiscate your husband's pocket change. If he notices,
blame the kids. Charge your husband every time you have to do a chore on his
"honey-do" list. This will reduce the amount of money he can waste on poker or
beer with his friends. Fine your offspring 10 cents each time they whine the
"M" word. Add the proceeds to the "curse" jar.
Nothing is more important to me than my sanity tie to the outside
world. As I sit here, rolling my pennies, I wonder if other mommies covet their connection
too. Judging from the number of buddies on my favorite message boards, I'd say I'm in good
company.
I'll sacrifice my Lean Cuisine, forego the membership to the gym,
and even think about selling a kidney, but I refuse to hand over my internet connection
(or my Midol) without a fight.
Submitted by SLemas5952
~~~~~
When my screen freezes or turns blue, I want a special button
I can push to make the CPU start squealing like a motherboard.
~~~~~
Have you heard about the new
L.A.P.D. Virus?
It feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".
~~~~~
I want my modem to sense when my PC has committed an
"illegal function" and issue a warrant to arrest Bill Gates. When my system
crashes and I lose a file that has taken me more than an hour to create, I want someone
from the computer company to come out and retype it for me.
~~~~~
I don't understand why new, "upgraded" software
creates files that cannot be read by old, reliable software with the same name. Is there
no one in the computer industry who has noticed that word processor files all look alike
once they are open? Why can't 6.0 recognize a 7.0 file? It's all just words, isn't it?
There should be a rule that when software engineers buy a new car, their old cars
should cease to function. If they don't understand why this is happening, they should call
me and I will explain it to them.
~~~~~
How come when my computer catches a virus, I'm the one who
misses work?
~~~~~
I want to know why my printer always jams on the last piece
of paper or the last sheet of checks. When this happens, it makes me want to put sandpaper
into the manual feed and print the Emancipation Proclamation.
~~~~~
I want to know what good is a Web search engine that returns
324,909,188 "matches" to my keyword. That's like saying, "Good news, we've
located the product you want. It's on Earth."
~~~~~
Now I've found out that my PC no longer
"recognizes" my floppy drive! How could they not recognize each other? They live
together in the same little tower!
~~~~~
You know you've been on the computer too much
when you get a letter from your doctor like this:
|
Horace Duhnno
12 Connect Street
Webville, OH 24487
Dear Mr. Duhnno,
Upon reviewing the test results and x-rays regarding your symptoms discussed during your
examination on 5/18/99, I have been able to determine the cause and treatment for each of
your symptoms as follows:
The inability to straighten the fingers on your right hand is not the result of the
work related accident in March. The x-rays reveal the same curvature in the bone structure
that is associated with holding your mouse. Please use the keyboard and function keys for
a period of at least 7 days, allowing the muscles and tendons to heal.
The results of the blood work has revealed the cause of your stomach disorder is
styrafoam consumption. Although this is a expeditious and effortless way of eating, please
avoid over heating this material to prevent consumption of the product.
The culture we did on your urinary system has confirmed that the repeated infections
are the result of failure to relieve yourself as we discussed. Please excuse yourself from
the chat room and frequent the bath room when necessary. If the antiseptic cream is not
healing the zipper injury you experienced during your hasty return to the computer, please
contact the office for a different medication.
Please adhere to the diet we provided. The meals consisting of potato chips, pizza, and
coffee have your potassium level high and we "must" get it under control with
proper dieting.
The examination of your eyes and the MRI revealed no causes for the headaches. After
giving great thought to your lengthy conversation about your friends and time spent in the
chat rooms, might I recommend that you reduce the 6 - 7 hours of chatting per day to a
lesser amount of time. This should eliminate the visual strain and stress headaches.
As a treatment for your depression, you might consider establishing more than one email
address to provide the volume of incoming messages you seem to be seeking. Also,
establishing an ICQ account would provide you another means of instant messaging and
increase your "buddy list".
As suspected, the tenderness in your abdomen is a hernia resulting from carrying your
computer to technical support and will require immediate surgery. We have scheduled
admittance on 6/2/99. As per your request, I have contacted the hospital and am sorry to
report that they have no facilities available for internet connection in the recovery nor
private rooms. Therefore, it appears that the megafire wireless access will be necessary
in order for you access the chat rooms during your hospital stay. Also, public relations
has advised they are unable to fulfill your request to notify your "buddy list"
once the surgery is complete. Nurse Forshey feels that is a request beyond their
capabilities and extends her apology.
The hospital and my staff will be contacting you for additional information necessary
for your surgery, so please have your phone line cleared and be prepared to accept
incoming calls between 3:00 pm - 4:00 pm tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Dr. J. T. Gates, M.D.
|
Submitted by ARareJewel
~~~~~
Computer Terms in Maine
-
Log on - Make the wood stove hotta.
-
Log off - Don't add no more wood.
-
Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.
-
Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.
-
Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
-
Ram - The thing that split that firewood.
-
Hard drive - Getting home in the winta.
-
Prompt - What the mail ain't during the
winta.
-
Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.
-
Screen - What to shut during black fly season.
-
Screen saver - Duct tape for the torn window screen.
-
Byte - What the black flies do.
-
Bit - What the black flies did.
-
Megabyte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.
-
Chip - Munchies for TV.
-
Microchip - The crumbs in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
-
Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.
-
Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.
-
Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.
-
Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.
-
Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.
-
Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.
-
Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.
-
Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.
-
Web - What a spida makes.
-
Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings.
-
Cursor - Someone who swears.
-
Search engine - What you do when the caa dies.
-
Home page - Map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods.
-
Upgrade - Steep hill.
-
Server - Waitress.
-
Mail server - Male waitress, damn few in Maine.
-
Sound card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.
-
User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.
-
Browser - A problem moose in the garden or blueberry patch.
-
Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.
-
Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.
-
Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.
-
Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week.
-
Offline - The clothespins let go and the laundry falls to the ground.
Submitted by Moody
~~~~~
French Class
A language instructor was explaining to her class that, in French, nouns are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House," in French, is
feminine -"la maison." "Pencil," in French, is masculine -"le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups (appropriately enough, by gender) and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be masculine or feminine noun. both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
-
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
-
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
-
Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.
-
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
-
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
-
They have a lot of data, but they are essentially clueless.
-
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
-
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
Of course, the women's group won!
Butler Webs - Computer
& Internet Jokes - Page 1
~~~~~
Be sure to see ButlerWebs General
Webs for Computers & Internet
There is more humor over there!
~~~~~
For
other Web sites with Computer Humor, see our Jokes
Links page - Click Here
~~ Top
of Page ~~
Advertisers
Please support our advertisers who
help make ButlerWebs.com possible.
|
|
|
Website Design
Website Hosting
Domain Name Registration
|
|
Associated
Media Group (formerly Butler Webmasters) is a professional, affordable website design company that
was founded in 1996 in Butler, Pennsylvania. We have designed, maintained and hosted effective high performance websites for a variety of
companies including the Butler Chamber of Commerce
and InsideButlerCounty.com. Whether you are looking for a static, a dynamic content management system, or a package solution,
we will create a website to meet the needs of your company. |
|
|
Inspiration &
Motivation
|
Thoughts...
No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
|
|
~~ Top of Page ~~
Quick Links for more Computer & Internet
Humor:
[ Computer & Internet Humor - Page 1 ]
[ General
Webs - Computers & Internet - Humor ]
Quick Links to our 100s of Jokes &
Cartoons Categories:
[ Animals, Pets & Critters ] [ Automotive & Driving Humor ] [ Babyboomers, Over-The-Hill Humor - 4 Pages! ] [ Blonde Jokes & Riddles - 6 Pages! ] [ Bloopers, Funny Ads & Signs ] [ Brain Teasers - 2 Pages! ] [ Bumper Stickers - 2 Pages! ] [ Chick With Nice Knockers ] [ Christmas Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ COMIC CORNER - Featuring Cartoonists! ] [ Computer & Internet Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ Diet, Exercise, Fitness Humor ] [ Divorce Humor ] [ Drinking, Party & Hangovers - 2 Pages! ] [ Driving A Car Humor ] [ Female Bashing ] [ Firefighters ] [ Grandparents ] [ Groaners & Puns - 2 Pages! ] [ Hunting, Fishing, Camping, Outdoors ] [ Insults, Pick-Up Lines, Come-Backs ] [ Kids Say The Funniest Things - 3 Pages! ] [ Lawyer Jokes - 2 Pages! ] [ Links to Other Humor Web Sites ] [ Little Johnny & Little Mary Jokes ] [ Male Bashing - 5 Pages! ] [ Mammogram & Menopause Humor ] [ Marriage & Relationships - 3 Pages! ] [ Medical & Dental Humor - 5 Pages! ] [ Military Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ Parents, Grandparents & Kids - 2 Pages! ] [ Police Humor - 2 Pages! ] [ Pregnancy Humor ] [ Redneck Humor - 3 Pages! ] [ Religious Humor - 5 Pages! ] [ Riddles! ] [ Tax Time! Income Tax Humor ] [ Teachers, Students, Education - 2 Pages! ] [ Toilet & Bathroom Humor - 6 Pages! ] [ Travel Humor ] [ Word Humor & Funny Definitions ] [ Working Folks - Office Humor - 6 Pages! ] [ One-Liners ] [ Miscellaneous Humor - 2 Pages! ]
This page was last edited 03/30/06.
|
