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Titus
Networking
Business
Computer Consulting
Computer Networking
and
Security
Hardware
Sales
Software Sales |
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Businesses
depend on their computer networks!
Titus Networking keeps your
computer network dependable & secure. |
Titus
Networking, Inc.
Serving the
Pittsburgh Area of Western PA
724-431-2211
Butler, PA
TitusNetworking.com |
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A man and wife were both in an Internet business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said "No, not there. Scroll down a little."
Submitted by Ginger
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What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
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A child was watching his
mother sift through and delete a long list of junk E-mail on the computer
screen.
"This reminds me of the Lord's Prayer," the child
said.
"What do you mean?" the mother asked.
"You know. That part about 'deliver us from
E-mail."
~~~~~
Have you heard about the Disney virus?
It make everything on your computer go Goofy.
~~~~~
There's more - keep
scrolling!
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The
Computer
Humor Pages
from ButlerWebs.com |
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Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner.
They both got down to business and wrote lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead.
When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures -- all kinds of bells and whistles.
God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, "I've got nothing, absolutely
nothing! My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out. Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?"
God replied, "Everybody knows -- Jesus Saves."
~~~~~
I have a computer, a bed, & pizza
delivery. Why should I leave the house?
Submitted by Gr8SmokyMt
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Microsoft is reportedly buying a
multibillion dollar stake in AT&T...
Americans can now look forward to rebooting their telephones.
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Signs You Have a Bad Computer:
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Lower corner of screen has the words
"Etch-A-Sketch" on it.
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In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
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Whenever you turn it on all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
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The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
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The only chip inside is a Dorito.
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My kids love surfing the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and so I asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
~~~~~
Computer Class
For a
computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were
facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I
reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards.
She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed
look on her face.
She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she
typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding
behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.
I started to type, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the
teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it,
I swear!" It was
all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000
went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that
hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I
couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.
After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red.
Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
Submitted by Cicec
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My husband and I incurred several problems while
assembling our new computer system, so we called the Help Desk. The man on the phone started to talk to
Jeff in computer jargon, which confused us even more.
"Sir," my husband politely said, "please explain what I should do as if I were a four-year-old."
"Okay," the computer technician replied. "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
~~~~~
A guy was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen.
After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
He asked if she needed help and she replied, "It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"
~~~~~
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IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER!
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- If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!
- To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
- If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".
- Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
- To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
- To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
- To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
- If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
- When you lose your car keys, click on "find".
- "Help" with the chores is just a click away.
- You wouldn't need auto insurance.
You'd use your boot diskette to recover from a crash.
- We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.
- To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".
- Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.
- To undo a mistake, click on "back".
- Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".
- If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".
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Author Unknown
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A mechanical,
electrical and a software engineer from Microsoft were driving through the desert when the
car broke down. The mechanical engineer said "It seems to be a problem with the fuel
injection system, why don't we pop the hood and I'll take a look at it."
To which the
electrical engineer replied, "No I think it's just a loose ground
wire. I'll get out and take a look."
Then, the Microsoft engineer
jumps in. "No, no, no. If we just close up all the windows, get out, wait a few
minutes, get back in, and then reopen the windows everything will work fine."
~~~~~
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You know it's time to turn your computer off
and read a book when:
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- A friend calls and says "How are you? Your phones
have been busy for a year!"
- You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
- You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
- You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said
"You've Got Mail!"
- You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
- You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get
IM's.
- You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.
- Tech support calls YOU for help.
- You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
- You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
- You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
- You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
- You say "Scroll Up" when someone asks what it was you said.
- You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep.
- You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
- You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button
handy.
- You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
- "Where did the time go??"
- You sit on AOL for six hours for that certain special person to sign on.
- You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
- .....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
- You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}}and **kisses**.
- Being called a "newbie" is a major insult to you.
- You're on the phone and say "BRB."
- Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
- Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. Leave your
S/N and I'll TTYL ASAP".
- You need to be pried from your computer by the
Jaws-of-Life.
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~~~~~
I want to know why, when I had a tiny hard drive, my
operating system was virtually crash-proof and took up so little space. My new
operating system is five times the size of my original hard drive. With every
"upgrade, "it seems to grow 75 percent. That's as if every time your
mother-in-law came to visit she weighed another 500 pounds.
~~~~~
Abort, Retry, Ignore
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped
and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command
But got instead a reprimand: It read "Abort, Retry, Ignore".
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed my options.
These three seemed to be the top ones.
Clearly, I must now adopt one....
Choose: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".
With my fingers pale and trembling,
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Finally I pressed a key....
But on the screen what did I see?
Again: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".
I tried to catch the chips off-guard....
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
Luck was just not in the cards,
I saw what I had seen before.
Now I typed in desperation,
Trying random combinations.
Still there came the incantation....
Choose: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted;
Getting up, I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw an awful sight,
A bold and blinding flash of light,
A lightning bolt that cut the night and shook me to my very core.
The PC screen collapsed an died,
"Oh no....my database", I cried.
I thought I heard a voice reply,
"You'll see your data....Nevermore!"
To this day I do not know
The place to which our data goes.
Perhaps it goes to Heaven where the angels have it stored.
But as for productivity....well,
I fear it has gone straight to Hell.
And that's the tale I have to tell....
Your choice: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".
Author Unknown
Submitted by Cicec
~~~~~
At a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a
company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just a
bout ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down.
Just then someone in the back of the room yelled, "Format C:
Return."
Someone else chimed in: "Yes, Return!"
Unfortunately, the software worked.
~~~~~
Computer Viruses:
Prozac Virus
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.
Viagra Virus
Expands your hard drive, while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.
Viagra 2 Virus
It turns your floppy into a hard drive.
Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Health Care Virus
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
Joey Buttafuoco Virus
Only attacks minor files.
Disney Virus
Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Ellen Degeneres Virus
Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
~~~~~
Butler Webs - Computer
& Internet Jokes - Page 2
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Be sure to see ButlerWebs General
Webs for Computers & Internet
There is more humor over there!
~~~~~
For
other Web sites with Computer Humor, see our Jokes
Links page - Click Here
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Titus Networking, Inc.
Business Computer
Consulting
Computer Networking &
Security
Hardware & Software Sales |
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Businesses depend on their computer
networks!
Titus Networking keeps your computer network
dependable and secure. |
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Titus
Networking, Inc. specializes in the design and implementation of computer networks for small business, medium-size companies, and large corporate IT departments. For small businesses, we can serve as your IT Department. For larger companies, we can supplement your IT Department. We can help with hardware and software selections. We are authorized resellers of all the major brands of hardware and software. We sell and install PCs, Servers, Routers and Notebooks. Titus Networking, Inc. saves you money by offering competitive pricing on the right computer hardware and software to suit your business. Call us today! |
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128 North Washington Street, Butler, PA 16001
Phone: 724-431-2211
Fax: 724-431-2214
Web site: www.titusnetworking.com
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Inspiration &
Motivation
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Thoughts...
"Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anyone."
-- Mark Twain
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This page was last edited 03/30/06.
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