When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

~~~~~

Smart Blonde

    A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
    She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
    Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
    Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
    The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

Submitted by Kara

~~~~~

A Blonde That Hurts All Over

    A woman walks into the doctors office and says, "Doctor I hurt all over."
    The doctor says, "that's impossible."
    "No really! Just look, when I touch my arm, ouch!  It hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts." she replies.
    The doctor just shakes his head and says, "You're a natural blonde, aren't you?"
    The woman smiles and says, "Why yes I am. How did you know?"
    The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."

~~~~~

    A blonde walked into a library and said, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
    The librarian said, "Sorry, this is a library."
    So the blonde whispered, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

~~~~~

Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of water-skis?
She's still looking for a lake with a slope.

~~~~~

    Once there was a blonde who walked into a store.  The blonde says to the clerk, "Can I buy this TV?"
    The clerk says, "We don't allow blondes in the store."
    So the blonde walks home and puts a wig on and goes back to the store.  "Can I buy this TV?" and the clerk says, "We don't allow blondes in
the store!"
    So she goes back home and gets a total makeover and goes to the store and says, "Can I buy this television?" the clerk says "NO! We don't allow blondes in the store!"
    The blonde asks "How did you know I was a blonde?"
    "Because that's not a TV; its a microwave!"

~~~~~

Help!!!

    An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
    The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do No Disturb!'"

~~~~~

    Three blondes are wrecked on an island, when all the sudden they meet a fairy.  She says, "I will grant you all one wish".
    The first of the three says, "Will you make me 20% smarter?"
    "Granted." says the fairy.
    So she swims to land.
    The next says, "I want to be 30% smarter." And, of course, the fairy agrees, and the blonde builds a boat and sails to land.  Finally the third blonde steps up and says, "I want to be 100% smarter."
    "Granted."
    Then that blonde walks across the bridge.

Submitted by Soccercrazy544

~~~~~

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

~~~~~

    After hearing that milk baths would make her beautiful, a blonde left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake - she probably meant 1.5 gallons. So he knocked on her door to clarify her note.
    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you really mean 15 gallons or did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."
    The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
    The blonde said, "No. Just up to my breasts."

~~~~~

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

• She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

• She thought General Motors was in the army.

• She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

• At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."

• She tripped over a cordless phone.

• She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said, "concentrate."

• She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

• She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

• She studied for a blood test.

• She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."

• She sold the car for gas money!

• When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

• When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

• When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

• She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

• If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

• She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

• She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

• She thought a quarterback was a refund.

• She put M&M's in alphabetical order.

• She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

~~~~~

    A blonde got a job at the highway department to paint the yellow line down the middle of the road. The first two days everything went well but after three days the blonde seemed to be really slowing down and so the foreman called her in to complain. "The first day you did great, you were able to paint that yellow line for three miles. The second day was pretty good, you painted the line for two miles. But today you have only painted one mile of line, so I guess I'm going to have to fire you!"
    As he left the office, the blonde looked back with a tear in her eye and said: "It's not my fault. Each day I got farther away from the paint bucket."

~~~~~

    Three women are about to be executed for crimes  --  one's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards bring the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . .Aim . . ." 
    Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim. . ."
      The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!! 

Submitted by Richie

~~~~~

    Three girls walk into this store full of mirrors, a blonde, a red head, and a brunette. They find a full-length mirror and they asked the gentleman at the counter how much it costs.
    The man at the counter said, "$20.00, but I have to tell you something about this mirror. If you stand in front of it and say something that is not true, then you will disappear."
    So the three girls bought it. The first day the red head took it home with her and she stood in front of the mirror and said, "I think I am the smartest person in the world" The red head disappeared.
    The next day, the brunette took it home and she stood in front of the mirror and said, "I think I am the prettiest person in the world."  She disappeared.
    The following day the blonde took it home and as she stood in front of the mirror she said, "I think...." -- and she disappeared.

Submitted by Gemia2

~~~~~

    A blind man and his guide dog enter a Bar and find their way to a bar stool.  After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. "You still wanna tell that joke?" 
    The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." 

Submitted by "Chance"

 ~~~~~

     A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
     A little later she came out of the house again went to the mail box and opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
     As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then  slammed it closed harder than ever.
     Puzzled by her actions the man asked her "is something wrong?"
     To which she replied, "There certainly is---My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying...
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

Submitted by Mbfiles

~~~~~

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This page was last edited 02/03/05.