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New Virus - Senile Virus

There is a new virus called the "Senile Virus" that even the most advanced programs of Norton and McAfee cannot take care of it. So be warned. The virus appears to affect those of us who were born before 1960!

Symptoms of the Senile Virus:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. 
2. Causes you to send blank e-mail. 
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. 
4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you. 
5. Causes you to forget to attach attachments. 
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the e-mail.

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    Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
    Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
    God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first."
    So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!
    "Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God.
    "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
    Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.
    Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
    God says, "That was the screen saver".

Submitted by Pop1022

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Powering up his office computer one morning, my colleague saw a unique error message: "Keyboard undetected." Then he saw how he was supposed to clear the error:  "Press any key to continue."

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Microsoft Should Make Cars -- GM Should Make Software

     At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
     In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

• For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
• Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
• Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.
• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
• Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy more seats.
• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
• The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.
• New seats would force everyone to have the same back-end size.
• The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.
• Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
• GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.
• Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
• You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

Submitted by Sana65

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A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory!

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